over time.

I am really, really good at judging my yoga practice.
I can be so mean.
(difficult. rude. unforgiving. relentless)

I tell myself to do more “advanced” poses … to have longer practice sessions… to stop floating around so many styles and teachers and FOCUS.

then I come across a reading about yoga & what it is & why we have it . and I remember that I DO practice yoga, every damn day. in my whole life.

its how I run my business, parent my children, engage with the world.

I stopped standing on my head when it started bothering my neck. I learned how to enjoy restoratives & blocks& bolsters.

I stopped pretending I was not competing ( with myself) to strive towards the next yoga pose goal.

I am learning to be kind. I am learning to appreciate my relationship with this old friend and even with age, I can see we are getting better, into a healthier more sustainable relationship.

Some days I miss my old practice.. I miss our honeymoon period- our love fest. We really fell hard for each other-
daily long sweaty practice…. I dreamt about yoga, planned classes in my free time, researched studios, classes, teachers.. an addiction, really.

As time wears on.. and my WHOLE life has fewer boundaries I have to keep finding ways to bring that creative joy into my heart…in the past year I found myself going back to art & painting, trail running, taking up pilates & spinning b/c when yoga becomes your business, your livelihood, your whole facebook feed, even it can be too much.

I have heard myself say, enough!
agh! yoga, yoga, yoga! please. I need a break- I need a rest from how big it has become.

and then…. I go to my place where I stretch &play & get quiet.. I see this and know that I am here. This is my home, my heart, my path… I felt it all those years ago. I got connected, I plugged in, I woke up. I met the divine, I felt the spirit shining within and all around- the warmth and the connection, like a wave washed over my soul- and I was never the same again.

that feeling has led me here. and here. and here.