And You Will

my dear, you will figure it out.

you always do.

you are strong and brave and soft and loving.

there is no better combination.

my dear, you will figure it out.

Because this whole life thing is all about the solving, the problems, the goods and the bads.

My dear, you have all you need.

When will you know and trust that as time passes, you age, things grow, things fall, things age, things flourish, things die.

That you too- will watch time pass and contemplate it all and wonder WHY was time wasted worrying.

My dear, with my heart know that your gifts are seen and heard and while some days are hard and you are bruised by words or actions – you are not broken.

My dear, you are ALIVE and with strength and grace and courage that ONLY you have.

Please keep this close. 

And use as necessary. 

{tonight I wanted to write for myself, my daughter & my friends who suffer with ALL the wonder-worry-fear-and uncertainty that life brings… we are SO in this together} 

A Contract In Love {Dear Saylor}

 

A Contract in Love.

I agree to show up, to see you, to hold you and to be your MOTHER. {I am not your friend}

I agree to lay in bed and rub your back,  to pour you tea when you need it, I think this helps both of us.

I will nurture your spirit with essential oils when I don’t know how else to support you, as a way to show you love, to slow it down, to breathe it in. I notice it makes us both feel better.

I will invite you into my yoga and meditation practice, always. Even when it’s hard and I want my own time, I want you to know these practices as accessible to you for your whole life.

I agree to explore who I am, to try my best to live from love & intuition & truth and strength because I notice when I do, I can take really good care of you.

I agree to see us as separate beings who have different paths, our own journeys.

I commit to my practices as a way to help give me perspective about being your mother, so that I can see you WHOLE and ALIVE as you are, perfect. {with strengths and weakness, challenges, anger, joy, sorrow, grief, silliness and #allthefeelings}

The more I study and learn about my own life, thoughts, patterns and care the more I can appreciate you as a human being, and I can see all the ways in which we  naturally flow and I can enjoy you as you are….. {Without too much stress or worry about what you SHOULD become or do or be}

I can trust in the harmony of life.

The human-ness of our experience.

Suddenly, BEAUTIFULLY, we are every mother and every daughter that has ever lived.

The more I love me, the more I love you.

*Save the date*

March 9,10, 11 2017

Mother Daughter Retreat , Middleburg VA- MeadowKirk Farms Retreat Center

 

for them

while dealing with milo’s terribly difficult tantrum for the hundredth time this week. I realized something.

I have more space&love&patience than normal.

as he continues to demonstrate loud & violent tantrums of rage, I drop into my breathe and holding space for him.

this is a shift for me.

at home in DC amidst daily life and the crazy busy life we lead- I have no space for him. I yell at my hubby- I can be short with both kids. and sorry to say I take a lot of stress out on the dog.

MILLER STOP!

and milos tantrums are BIG now that he is 2. they have been for a while. a few weeks ago I told my hubby I was not even sure if I could leave DC and move to the beach with them for the summer bc I didn’t know if I could handle him.

I was nervous about single parenting and how I would be able to deal with his difficult behavior. but something has happened over the past 10 days. I have slowed down. I have let go. I have surrendered to this amazing summer & in the meantime I am able to care for my 2 year old in a loving& compassionate way.

my big takeaway for today is
” the less I do, the more space I have to be”

I sink into the passion of the tantrums. I feel his breath and hold his body in close. I snuggle and console him. he is going through something I cannot fix it. I cannot change it. I can only hold space for what is his own pain. I cant take it on.

I’m okay with that & grateful to be his mom and of course the opportunity to awaken to this experience.

20130713-143444.jpg

20130713-143455.jpg

20130713-143508.jpg

morning

she crawled into bed & I lifted the sheet.
I felt her long, lean body and I snuggled it in. I did not think to move her or turn away from her. Instead I leaned in more. She wrapped her arms around my neck & I whispered, ” I love you sweet girl”
Holding my baby tight. My heart heavy from another day of violence and fear.
For now, I only have this. Kindness & love to my family, the strangers I pass in the day & a dedication in my life to do good. to help. to serve locally however I can. middle of the night squeezes help ease an aching heart when the world seems upside down. when darkness comes into our lives, I cling to her light.