A Contract In Love {Dear Saylor}

 

A Contract in Love.

I agree to show up, to see you, to hold you and to be your MOTHER. {I am not your friend}

I agree to lay in bed and rub your back,  to pour you tea when you need it, I think this helps both of us.

I will nurture your spirit with essential oils when I don’t know how else to support you, as a way to show you love, to slow it down, to breathe it in. I notice it makes us both feel better.

I will invite you into my yoga and meditation practice, always. Even when it’s hard and I want my own time, I want you to know these practices as accessible to you for your whole life.

I agree to explore who I am, to try my best to live from love & intuition & truth and strength because I notice when I do, I can take really good care of you.

I agree to see us as separate beings who have different paths, our own journeys.

I commit to my practices as a way to help give me perspective about being your mother, so that I can see you WHOLE and ALIVE as you are, perfect. {with strengths and weakness, challenges, anger, joy, sorrow, grief, silliness and #allthefeelings}

The more I study and learn about my own life, thoughts, patterns and care the more I can appreciate you as a human being, and I can see all the ways in which we  naturally flow and I can enjoy you as you are….. {Without too much stress or worry about what you SHOULD become or do or be}

I can trust in the harmony of life.

The human-ness of our experience.

Suddenly, BEAUTIFULLY, we are every mother and every daughter that has ever lived.

The more I love me, the more I love you.

*Save the date*

March 9,10, 11 2017

Mother Daughter Retreat , Middleburg VA- MeadowKirk Farms Retreat Center

 

To Say at 5

ImageImage

and everything changed.  her whole life. my whole life. the depth of love only other moms understand. 

I carried this beautiful light of an angel for 41 weeks. 

inside of me this child of mine curled up cozy & filling me with love. 

so much love.

I was  loving her the whole time.

I spent hours talking to her , practicing yoga with her, sitting in meditation with her, singing kirtan with her & fully devoting myself to this new role.

 and then she was here. a life changer. 

she is lil omm. all the love I have for her  I poured into a center where we could wrap our arms around these experiences. new, scary, natural & perfect. with tears and hugs and smiles. 

our own hearts grew and over time our babies grew. 

 like no words can describe.

this journey that we are so blessed to be on. I  held her hand and rubbed her back, stroked her hair and changed her diapers. I read story after story and spent all this time cultivating an intentional relationship with her. 

maybe i over parented? maybe I under parented? maybe I used me heart to guide the way.

I was proud when she potty trained and felt overwhelmed with joy when she met her baby brother for the first time. 

 “mommy, i think i’m falling in love with you”  oh Saylor, I know the feeling.

 Prayer for my daughter  

by Karen Maezen Miller

May she be happy
May she sing, and make up songs
May she be safe, and feel safe
See shadows only for playing
May she seek and find
May her smile always find reflection in my own
May I find in her name the measure I need
And give give give.

Watching You, Watch Me. 

 She Watches Me

always mimics what I  say.

watching my every move
plucking my gray hair.

She wants me to sing & dance.

We play, play, play AND practice yoga and laugh while on my mat…

then she calls it HER mat.

She watches me when I  fight with her dad or

when I AM BEYOND  frustrated with her brother.

She watches me when I  cry to my friends  on the phone for a long time.

She watches me

meet new friends
hug new moms
breastfeed her brother
hug my dad
eat my veggies
interact with strangers
love my earth
put on my seat belt

lick frosting

drink wine

I want her to see me

participate
motivate
commit
execute
take action

inspire, love,  live with grace, compassion and patience.

Happy 5th birthday Saylor Eloise. I love you.Image