run

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go for it milo.
you have the world in front of you.
I cant imagine who you will evolve to be. you shine in this world as my son, my light.
you make us laugh & snuggle up like a cub.
3 whole months of deep breaths& health is a gift.
Being your mom is quite the adventure.
I was telling someone yesterday about your birth & our pregnancy together.
oh buddy, you really teach me how to pause and make sure I practice. You show me how much work I still have. Thank you for this gift. the deepest love.

for them

while dealing with milo’s terribly difficult tantrum for the hundredth time this week. I realized something.

I have more space&love&patience than normal.

as he continues to demonstrate loud & violent tantrums of rage, I drop into my breathe and holding space for him.

this is a shift for me.

at home in DC amidst daily life and the crazy busy life we lead- I have no space for him. I yell at my hubby- I can be short with both kids. and sorry to say I take a lot of stress out on the dog.

MILLER STOP!

and milos tantrums are BIG now that he is 2. they have been for a while. a few weeks ago I told my hubby I was not even sure if I could leave DC and move to the beach with them for the summer bc I didn’t know if I could handle him.

I was nervous about single parenting and how I would be able to deal with his difficult behavior. but something has happened over the past 10 days. I have slowed down. I have let go. I have surrendered to this amazing summer & in the meantime I am able to care for my 2 year old in a loving& compassionate way.

my big takeaway for today is
” the less I do, the more space I have to be”

I sink into the passion of the tantrums. I feel his breath and hold his body in close. I snuggle and console him. he is going through something I cannot fix it. I cannot change it. I can only hold space for what is his own pain. I cant take it on.

I’m okay with that & grateful to be his mom and of course the opportunity to awaken to this experience.

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Milo

This is a repost from his birthday last year, and his birthing day the year before.

Today I reflect on life as we head towards 2 in one week.

Happy Birthing Day to Me

Posted on July 6, 2012 by  in Parenting

My friend Sandy always says “happy birthing day” to the mamas on their children’s birthdays. It has stuck with me as the most wonderful way to cherish a birth day. By celebrating birth, our babies and our SELVES as warriors and as mamas.

 

Here’s a re- post of mr. milo’s birth story. I love you bud. You are a shining light in our family and in my life.

 

Milton Leon Silicki IV “Milo”  * Due Date July 3, 2011

The entire pregnancy my son, Milo, was measuring a few weeks ahead, so I wasn’t sure we would hit the due date. But it came and it passed on July 4th as we celebrated Independence Day and after a day of events, I had some cramps, but nothing too unusual. I went to bed early and slept well.

The next day I woke up with more cramps and felt a bit tired and out of it. I thought it was from all the energy and activity that had happened the previous day. My daughter Saylor was a little over a week late, so I was prepared to be late with Milo as well. As I went about my day, I noticed that I felt out of it, really out of it. I called my best friend and asked her to come over and play with Saylor when she got home from camp so I could sleep. I thought to myself, “If I wake up and am still cramping then I am in labor. If I sleep and they go away, then it’s false labor.”  A three hour nap later, I woke up still cramping and called my husband to let him know what was going on and to get ready to meet our son.
By 7:00 pm that day, my cramps were intensifying and I called my doula ( URSULA, the magnificent!)  to tell her that I wasn’t sure if I was in labor or it was just cramps; it was hard for me to tell the difference. She told me to get in the bath, see if they went away and call her back. I also gave my midwife ( Whitney Pinger, birth GODDESS)  a head’s up. The contractions/cramps in the tub were not as intense but then I needed to get out and move around a bit more, things were happening fast; I called my dad in Boston and told him so he could make his way to DC and everything began to fall into place.

When my doula arrived at the house, I was in the living room, laboring on a large exercise ball in a squat. My friend arrived to watch our daughter. Everyone was really quiet, whispering, the house was dark and calm. We started timing contractions, got my bags together and let the midwife know we were on our way.

At around 10:00 pm, we arrived at GWU hospital and I had had a contraction in the driveway to the emergency room as an  ambulance was coming in, which was quite an experience! By the time we got up to a room, I was 5 cms and my midwife did a fabulous midwife technique called a  “manual cervical realignment “ and just like that I was 7 cms! They put me in the shower which felt great and was a nice break for about 20 minutes and my water broke on the toilet which was very convenient.

During this time, things were not really progressing and I could tell that he wasn’t moving. I was OVERWHELMED with nausea and at one point remember looking up at my doula and begging her to ”please help me”. Clearly this was when I “hit the wall” and began storming around the room, getting frustration out of my system.

As the 5th of July became the 6th, my labor became very foggy. There was some time on all fours, some time on my side, some figure eights with my hips, some squats, lots of breathing and yoga postures. Eventually Milo moved his head, and we were good to go. He was born “sunny side up”, which refers to the fact that the back of your baby’s skull (the occipital bone) is in the back (or posterior) of your pelvis.
Then while still connected, Milo was with me. He laid on me, all 8.5 pounds of him was breathing and opening his eyes and being so perfect. We were still connected. There was the cord, on my belly, shortly after; I cut the cord myself, the perfect ending to an arduous labor.

Natural childbirth was the hardest thing I have ever physically done in my life but I am so glad to get it off my “bucket list” and so glad to feel our family is complete. I do feel so strong, so empowered. My recovery was fabulous, easy and natural. The Yoga postures that I utilized were really helpful; the breathing got me in and out of mental blocks that surfaced.  I have had two vastly different experiences and feel so blessed to have two healthy, happy babies.

 

contrasts

yesterday, pema chodron taught
me” facts of life” @ omega.
peace& radiance from within.
subtle joy & deep gratitude.
the teachings on impermanence, egolessness, suffering and peace.

Today ER with milo. another breathing episode. another day of quiet surrendor to no control. this is now quite a pattern for this little guy.

the beeps are peaceful, calming& soothing. 3 pm at a quiet ER. I am full of ease and surrendor at this moment. finding beauty even here- the opposite of natural beauty I saw at Omega.

teachings from Pema feel more useful today. we have been in this room before…in this exact chair seeing the nursing station and watching life from the inside of this room. no windows or trees. just beeps and clean floors.

he will be okay & so will I.

this is a nice place to practice relaxation & find a breath to meditate on. who knew?

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