Still standing

About a week before I turned 40, my mind was buzzing with the BIG questions. What’s next? Where should I put my energy? My intellect? What is my heart yearning for? And I was pulling aside all my closest friends and confidants- my “advisors” asking for HELP.

The same messaged kept coming back

– “I know whatever you decide will be right for you.”

-“I trust you will figure it out. You always do. ”

– and then I said to myself… ” are you making trouble again!?!?”

I have a tendency ( anyone else?) to start to dig around and find trouble when things are perfectly fine. In fact, MORE than fine. Really good. Like, I am scared to say out loud bc I don’t want to make others feels bad, kind of good.

And, here’s the thing. I have a lot of new things on my plate. I have a lot of things cooking that may bring more exposure, more responsibility, more impact, more followers, etc And it is scaring the sh*t out of me. Growing pains. Fear. Imposter Syndrome. Expansion, Evolving, AGAIN.

Yep, I have spent (and continue to spend!) a lot of time aligning my life and my work, actively engaging in self- awareness & integrating into my life well being practices that bring more of the good stuff.

What are those you might ask?

1. Gratitude and appreciation all the time as much as possible- and not in a BS way- but in a real, authentic just to me and my own values, way.

2. Journaling and reflecting regularly on my inner life, talking with my intuition, listening for guidance. Paying attention to my action, thought and habit patterns through writing.

3. Writing and sharing ( now a podcast!) stories and conversations around living in a deliberate, conscious way- and putting soul self-care on my to do list- Every day. I can NOT believe how amazing and fulfilling my relationships are when I do this. I see myself clearly, and that helps me to see others in a much more loving way. I love being kind, I love to see them, accept them. I let them be.

4. Trust. trust. trust. I have a primary relationship that I trust in, I have a best friend, a body, a mind, a heart that I love more than anything. Nope, not Mel- not the kiddos. It is with myself. I adore spending time alone- just delighting in a book, a stretch, a walk, some music, I enjoy my own company. I honor and prioritize this relationship over all others. And while some might think/ say “that is selfish!” the thing I hear the most from others is– “how do you do it all? the kids? the biz? the marriage?the community work?” And I see my calendar filled with my clients who I adore- my groups that are dynamic and engaging, my family and community- I see my life as a reflection of that self -love and self- compassion. It really blows my mind.

So I circle back to the questions of last week and all I see now is me smiling. With all the ways in which I just live my life as art. Creating, sharing, loving, being, holding hands, hugging.

It feels so good, to NOT have a 5 year PLAN. To not know the outcome.

To let go and let in.

To just be present with what is NOW.

At the end of my life, whenever that moment appears- I KNOW I will have given it my all. I showed up. I went to the darkest places and I made my way through. I did not do it perfectly. There was a lot of mess, but it was MINE! My expression, my experiences, my words, my tears, my asking for help and sometimes just standing on my own, on the earth, arms wide open, shouting ALL THE YES! Do you know what that feels like to save your own life?

All that We Share Is Sacred

All that We Share Is Sacred

By Andre Mol

As we gather together,

May we remember

When you share with me what is most important to you,

That is where listening begins.

When I show you that I hear you,

When I say your life matters,

That is where compassion begins.

When I open the door to greet you,

That is where hospitality begins.

When I venture out to bring you to shelter,

That is where love begins.

When I risk my comfort to ease your suffering,

When I act against hatred, violence, and injustice,

That is where courage begins.

When we experience the full presence of each other,

Because of our shared humanity,

Because of our differences,

That is where holy gratitude begins.

May this space be a table

that is not complete

until all are welcome.

May this table be a space of beauty

where together

we create a series of miracles, and

where all that we share is sacred.

May it be so.

Mother’s Love.

dear mother❤️

you provide and protect

heal and whole, your true nature

How did I not see you?

Not feel you?

Not know you?

I was so lost. So afraid. So alone.

NOW you are everywhere.

I am born from you, we all are.

Never separate, all ways connected.

Within you, within me- ALL is well.

All is seen, heard, felt, known.

inside of me,

never on my own,

never lost.

Just right, here.


You hold the gifts of my heart.

I receive.

Your rays of warmth to grow, expand, open, if I dare.

And you shower me with rain, whispering {my dear}

get messy in the mud.

You guide-

sometimes boldly,

sometimes gently,

sometimes you scare me.

I scare me.

And then, eventually, peace. perhaps?

I watch you, watch me.



How Working Less Brought Me More

I’m obsessed with living a good life. I think you know this.

I’m passionate and totally enthralled with lifestyle design, joy, productivity and LOVING how you plan your days so that you can do ALL THE THINGS and STILL FEEL GREAT.

All this led me to a deep dive over the past 5 years in HOW TO build a life I LOVE AND do it on MY TERMS. MY HOURS. MY FINANCIAL GOALS. MY WAY.

And it worked.

One of the things that I REALLY put into practice was “working less” in order to find, sustain and nurture my

creativity, intuition, and “inner wise self” as  writer, SARK, calls it.

So I said, okay- let’s try it. Let go of ALL The DOING ALL THE TIME.

Let go of the packed schedule and NEVER finding time for me

( although, that’s not REALLY my story… but just go with me on this one)

Let go of the “taking care of everyone else first”  et VOILA!

My schedule for work is usually around 20-30 hours a week and I make a good living.

I’m comfortable, live in plenty of abundance ( time, energy, money) and actually deeply appreciate and discovered my authentic frugal self who just truly finds pleasure in small things, simple things and nature and “finding a deal!”

I know if I really WANTED to make more, I could.

But right now, this all feels really good. So that works for me.

Now, I used to drive a BMW. Yep, I did. And I used to live in a 2 million dollar house. And I used to own a beach condo.  And to be honest, I was not a fan of all this STUFF, responsibility or  people thinking they “knew ”  who I was just by the car I drove and the house I lived in.

I always felt like a weirdo imposter, like it was “someone else’s car and LIFE!”

The house was a beautiful gift that my husband built for me. It was an incredible place. AND we grew away from it. From the size, from the shifting of our family, from the bills. It all just felt like WAY TOO MUCH and that did not bring that deep peace that I so craved and desired.


In my 20’s  I was jet setting to Vegas and day drinking in a Cabana. Okay, THAT was really fun. I used to THINK I wanted fancy bags and jeans that shopping would make me happy and I acquired thousands and thousands of dollars in debt along the way.  Do you know what TRULY makes me happy? having no credit card debt and a HEALTHY relationship with money that gives me FREEDOM and POWER. Being honest with what I can afford and what’s just way too much, right now. Making CHOICES about how I spend my money based on my values, not on my BAD HABITS or stories from my childhood.

If you look at my cored desired feelings/ personal values & life mission & compare  it to my bank account, it totally aligns… you will see things for learning, giving and family! That is so cool!!!

But eventually, all that glitz and glitter and fancy schmancy just stopped being something I cared about.  Having kids, watching “rich” friends be REALLY unhappy, practicing more and more yoga, meditation retreats and journaling. SO. MUCH. JOURNALING.

And now, I just truly work less and play more. I have LEARNED that the downtime DOES bring on my best ideas, insights AND that when I step away from it all, the NOT- SO – IMPORTANT things that I used to stress about, sometimes they just don’t get done.

And that’s okay.

I have also learned to let go of WAY- TO- BIG expectations around all I can “accomplish” in a week, month, year  and learn to slow down enough to ENJOY the creative process.

I used to be really afraid that if I did not take action right now, the ideas would dry up or disappear ( helloooo scarcity! ) and now I know that they flow in AND out.

Some things I put forward and some things I just don’t end up doing.

And that’s okay.

The MORE I take care of myself first, and follow the flow- the ideas just POUR out of me!

It’s so fun. Being creative is fun. Finding flow in daily life is fun. This is NOT unique to me, just so you know, it’s accessible to YOU as well.

Getting older feels awesome in my biz b/c now I trust my instincts, flows, ideas and cycles.  I have learned how to ride the waves, how to put something out there- see if anyone else is interested in that and then let it go if not.

I have learned how to PROTECT my scared work time in the day.

And now I teach other multi passionate peeps to do that too- HOW COOL?

There is,

time to create and time to rest.

time to sweat and time to focus.

time to work and time to play.

And every day, I show up and I do SOMETHING. I write, I coach, I share, I mentor, I plan, I pay a bill, I help someone, I play, I rest.  I trust and the hardest for me has been ..


I heard someone ask recently, ” what could I do today so that I can go to  sleep tonight knowing that I had a life well lived?”

I know that at the end of my life, I don’t want to be known as someone who “worked all the time.”  I want to be known as someone who LIVED and LOVED and TRIED and FAILED and LAUGHED AND CRIED and was just fully embracing this life stuff.


Poems to Savor

For my 40th birthday, my beloved friend Anna sent me a pack of letters and cards with notes and poems and quotes, one to open each day –

40 in all, leading up to my big day.

These are too divine to not share.  Here are 3 of my current favorites.

Here’s to life, friendship, poetry and all the good juju that words can bring.

“Advice to Myself” by Louise Erdrich

Leave the dishes.
Let the celery rot in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator
and an earthen scum harden on the kitchen floor.
Leave the black crumbs in the bottom of the toaster.
Throw the cracked bowl out and don’t patch the cup.
Don’t patch anything. Don’t mend. Buy safety pins.
Don’t even sew on a button.
Let the wind have its way, then the earth
that invades as dust and then the dead
foaming up in gray rolls underneath the couch.
Talk to them. Tell them they are welcome.
Don’t keep all the pieces of the puzzles
or the doll’s tiny shoes in pairs, don’t worry
who uses whose toothbrush or if anything
matches, at all.
Except one word to another. Or a thought.
Pursue the authentic-decide first
what is authentic,
then go after it with all your heart.
Your heart, that place
you don’t even think of cleaning out.
That closet stuffed with savage mementos.
Don’t sort the paper clips from screws from saved baby teeth
or worry if we’re all eating cereal for dinner
again. Don’t answer the telephone

or weep over anything at all that breaks.
Pink molds will grow within those sealed cartons
in the refrigerator. Accept new forms of life
and talk to the dead
who drift in through the screened windows, who collect
patiently on the tops of food jars and books.
Recycle the mail, don’t read it, don’t read anything
except what destroys
the insulation between yourself and your experience
or what pulls down or what strikes at or what shatters
this ruse you call necessity.


Jane Kenyon1947 – 1995

I got out of bed
on two strong legs.
It might have been
otherwise. I ate
cereal, sweet
milk, ripe, flawless
peach. It might
have been otherwise.
I took the dog uphill
to the birch wood.
All morning I did
the work I love.
At noon I lay down
with my mate. It might
have been otherwise.
We ate dinner together
at a table with silver
candlesticks. It might
have been otherwise.
I slept in a bed
in a room with paintings
on the walls, and
planned another day
just like this day.
But one day, I know,
it will be otherwise.

Starfish by Eleanor Lerman

This is what life does. It lets you walk up to 
the store to buy breakfast and the paper, on a 
stiff knee. It lets you choose the way you have 
your eggs, your coffee. Then it sits a fisherman 
down beside you at the counter who say, Last night, 
the channel was full of starfish. And you wonder,
is this a message, finally, or just another day?

Life lets you take the dog for a walk down to the
pond, where whole generations of biological 
processes are boiling beneath the mud. Reeds
speak to you of the natural world: they whisper,
they sing. And herons pass by. Are you old 
enough to appreciate the moment? Too old?
There is movement beneath the water, but it 
may be nothing. There may be nothing going on.

And then life suggests that you remember the 
years you ran around, the years you developed
a shocking lifestyle, advocated careless abandon,
owned a chilly heart. Upon reflection, you are
genuinely surprised to find how quiet you have
become. And then life lets you go home to think
about all this. Which you do, for quite a long time.

Later, you wake up beside your old love, the one
who never had any conditions, the one who waited
you out. This is life’s way of letting you know that
you are lucky. (It won’t give you smart or brave,
so you’ll have to settle for lucky.) Because you 
were born at a good time. Because you were able 
to listen when people spoke to you. Because you
stopped when you should have and started again.

So life lets you have a sandwich, and pie for your
late night dessert. (Pie for the dog, as well.) And 
then life sends you back to bed, to dreamland, 
while outside, the starfish drift through the channel, 
with smiles on their starry faces as they head
out to deep water, to the far and boundless sea.

LOA Magical Flows & Creations

(LOA is law of attraction) ✨✨✨

I started the week, with this intention.

” I am ready to receive, I allow things to flow through me and I have space, strength and clarity. I live daily in appreciation for what is AND I am excited about what’s to come.”

I do this in 2 parts. 1. Write in my journal in the am- Thoughts of expansion, creation and intention!

Then I move into 2, moving it through my body. So when I go out for a walk, I think thoughts of gratitude and expansion and lightness. I swing my arms and breathe deeply. Maybe for 5 minutes. I just repeat, I allow and I receive. I will look for evidence of my creations and thoughts daily.

This week I set a few intentions for my biz, speaking more- connecting to like minded successful women in biz, getting some new photos for my biz. But I only set these intentions AFTER I was totally aligned and inspired in my body- So that means coming into these actions with GOOD JUJU!

By the end of the week- I had hired ( and bartered for some new photos, applied to speak at a new conference in 2019- that was announced in my email 10 minutes after I said to a friend ” I am looking for more places to speak!”

Got the most generous offers on an upcoming retreat I am leading- just making mote space in my body for all kinds of abundance and generosity-and THEN invited to 2 retreats as a leader and they invited Saylor to come along, and my whole body screamed, YES!

Okay and for the grand finale-

1. I had a powerful transformational conversation with my husband, one that was a long time coming!

2. I attracted a new beautiful, amazing private client who I can not wait to serve.

3. One of my favorite clients sent me an update on her week after our last session- where I encouraged her to use a bunch of these high vibe tools and mindset practices to attract what SHE wants and omg!!!

She did it! It took her 1 week to manifest the goal she had set for herself, I am so thrilled for her! Magical! RESULTS. ❤️✨

So in service and in love- I hope this inspires you to relax the mind, open your heart, take care of your energy and maybe try step 1 or 2 this week- Let me know how it goes!

On My Own

This morning I put on shorts and a tee shirt. Walked the kids to school, gave a smooch and walked home.

I was all packed up and ready to go but something didn’t feel right.

I went in and changed to one of my favorite long flowy dresses that I wore when I was pregnant. Putting it on makes me feel so good- so feminine- so-free!

NOW, I am ready.

A few times a year I spend at least 24-48 hours away from my daily life.

On my own.

I have been known to rent hotel rooms, say yes to workshops or retreats that feel good and then come and go as I please or travel alone to somewhere new.

When the kids were super little and I had the studio, Mel would take them out of town for the weekend and I would stay home alone.

While I always find benefit AFTER the adventure, quiet, silence, experience. The first 12-24 hours away from my kids and Mel is STILL hard.

I feel unsettled. antsy. restless.

In theory, leaving my life for contemplation, reflection, quiet would be amazing! Eat what I want! Do what I want! No family dishes! or long drawn out bedtimes! Sleep!Meditate! Yoga!

Now that I have done this for so many years, I’m getting more familiar with the transition period, the loneliness? the discomfort of being and not doing?

Even though I do a lot of alone time in my regular daily life, this time physically away is always somehow different .

The standing on my own 2 feet, making all my own decisions without input from the choir of preferences that usually fill my day.

Sometimes, I get lost- I don’t feel like arguing about another night of pizza or burgers so I just say yes. Or bc I don’t have a strong preference about something, I just fade into fabric of our family routines and rhythm.

Here, in the middle of nowhere New Jersey- I am not defined as a mama or a wife or the crazy yoga teacher.

When I go out on my own, I just breathe. I fold into the landscape, I watch.

I write and write and write and write.

I notice everything.

A moment of lightJOY freedom on a long walk in the sun-

is followed by a hard smack in the head.

“You are alone, practice letting go. Someday you might be on your own. Don’t be afraid. Lean into this truth and stand your ground. Feel your body breathing and the discomfort of mortality. practice the company of you. ” she says.

Once I get into the groove of my aloneness, it becomes sweet and then it will be time to return- the drive home.

I will be anxiously dreaming to hold them close and feel their squeezes, even hear the dog bark. Walk to school and make the lunch.

Maybe when I get back, the sun will be shining on my face and I will be flooded with memories from my latest adventure- walking on my own -down the long windy farm road, dress flowing, hair long and loose.

I love that lady who wanders.

Who trusts.

Who allows.

Who releases.

Who feels.

Who notices.

May I continue to find and nourish her through all stages of my life.

May I have the strength, support and abundance to pause.

To move. To rest. To relax. To be. ✨🙏🏽❤️

A Better Birthday

When I was 8ish, I did not get invited to Annie Freeman’s birthday party.

All the other girls did.

I was new. I think they said, “she smells”  or at least that’s what I heard.

When my mom realized there was a party and all the girls had been invited but me,

she made a fuss.

I don’t quite remember what happened but eventually, it led to an invite.

I did not want to go. I would not go. I knew I did not belong. My heart hurt.

My pride protected my pain.

On the day of the party, my mom took me to KFC and we took the bus to the mall and then she had to go to work and I went with her.

All day, I knew there was a party going on that I was not invited to.

I wanted to be with all the girls just being “normal” and included and having fun.

But I knew that If I actually went, I would feel more lonely and isolated and embarrassed b/c by then everyone knew I was not invited and then LATER, invited.

And on Monday, I just puffed up a little more. Held my head up high and pretended I was fine.

This year, as I was thinking about celebrating my 40th I thought- I just want to have a party where EVERYONE is welcome. Where EVERYONE feels like they can come and celebrate and grab a smile or a hug and not have to feel anything but love.

So won’t you join me?


Underneath the triggers

Woke up early this morning to clean out some writing files and found THIS from a year ago! HA! So many parts of it are STILL TRUE.

Have you been triggered lately? If so.. what’s underneath it? share with me! I’d love to hear.

April, 2017

So, in the past week I have been SUPER triggered twice.

Scenario #1.. email comes in… “Pleasance, I know you are now a full time stay at home mom but I was hoping you might give some time volunteer time to this project I am working on.” 

I read it. I stop. Pit in my stomach. FULL TIME STAY AT HOME MOM?!?! I think to myself. Ohh I feel some anger rise. I feel hot. I feel defensive. I feel like I want to write her RIGHT back and lay out ALL THE THINGS I am working on. But, I don’t. I pause, regroup. sit with it.

I get SUPER curious about what this feeling that just erupted means. Why did I just get so angry? Let me be clear, there is NOTHING WRONG with being a stay at home mom. It’s just not for me. I had like 3 jobs in high school, 12 jobs in college and have always been the type of person who enjoyed working ( A LOT) & people & being busy and making $.

I have always loved to work, to contribute to society in a lot of areas and to create. I LOVE to create things, build things and grow things.

I will never “retire” I don’t ever want to! 

My dream list of things I want to create in my lifetime is LONG and I’m SO GRATEFUL that right now, with no pressure,  I get to work with successful smart women, EVERY. DAY. and pay my bills AND contribute to a few local organizations that I love AND make my kiddos dinner and tuck them in. It’s EXACTLY the life I want to live. And whenever I want to push that pedal and accelerate to teach and speak and write MORE MORE MORE, I will. 

It’s just, not now. In this season, I intentionally pulled back to ground deeply in care practices that nourish me. that are healing. that are so powerful for clarity and efficiency. This season is CRAZY CREATIVE. I feel the flow of my life like NEVER before. The things that keep appearing.. it’s magical.

Hmmm….. well, there’s  ALSO the whole, “I’m going to do this biz my way, thing”- which means that I have spent the last 6 months OFF social media more than ever ( even though it seems like I am on it all the time) and super focused on actual students and real live peeps and offerings and honestly, that takes up most of my working hours.

I have been super intentional about my work/home/life/self  boundaries this year and I’m NOT Letting it all creep together any more and I’m not willing to sacrifice my own health to build a biz. Oh, yeah that. 

And why the anger? B/c I’m crazy motivated, energized and ambitious. B/c the way I used to do things is hard and fast and I make things happen. I create things, BIG things. I build.  But right now, in this season, it is not time to build the next thing that way. It’s time to slow and steady with clarity and intentionality do the work. I show up every day with a few things that I know I CAN do. I do them. I KNOW this way is WAY more sustainable for my dreams and my goals especially as they continue to evolve, but since I love me some action AND I love helping others, trusting in the process and taking my time and putting my SELF and my FAMILY and my health at the top of the list is a new of being.  So this whole, relax a bit more, enjoy your life a bit more- in MANY ways it does work for me.. I LOVE  my freedom and flexibility. I’m blown away by the way that work flows in, the amazing people I work with, and that my profit margins are so much better doing WAY LESS than doing all the things with studio life.

Okay, I breathe. I relax a bit and then I got back to work.

Scenario #2- I get an email from someone I love who writes to me.. “I know that you closed lil omm so that  you could  “step back” and really focus on your family (which is fantastic)” and then BOOM, it happens again. The good news, I am very friendly with this person and I get to ACTUALLY talk to her a few short minutes later and tell her- “AGH! I feel so triggered by that!” I DID NOT close lil omm in order to put my family first. It was just REALLY not the REASON.  I’m working my butt off over here, BUT I’m not hustling. I’m not staying up late. I’m not working 24/7 and so does that mean I am stepping back to put my family first?

and WHY do we have to “make these kind of choices? can’t I have meaningful relationships with my family and my home AND MY WORK?”

Here are the facts ( as I see it)….lil omm had a new owner of our building and I ran all the numbers for months and months and could not make it work.

I made the decision to close the studio.

I needed time to heal and grieve and breathe after working so much for so long.

And then, I broke my foot. It benched me for 6 weeks. I read the book, Sacred Success and realized, I WANT THIS NEXT SEASON, this next BIZ, this next “thing” to grow differently.  

And then I left DC for 2 months. I had already planned that trip as a much needed break from DC for my self and my kiddos and my grandmother was overjoyed that we would be there to hang with her. I single parented for most of that time. I hiked, A LOT. I taught some private yoga and Thrive. It felt spacious and glorious. I treated it mostly like a working vacation, taking coaching clients from my walks, teaching a few gigs in CT and answering emails at night, when I put the kids to bed.

And then my grandma got sick. QUITE sick with Ovarian Cancer. And my growth and dreams and clarity were on Pause. I CONTINUED to build my online class, to teach my weekly classes and my private students and to sustain my biz.  But I traveled to CT a lot and I would close my eyes OFTEN and just tell myself,  “I am so grateful I do not have the studio. I would have been so stressed out with Grandma being sick and running the studio and traveling. What a blessing.” 

Now, my grandma is healthy and I’m like, “OH YES, the season has come.” It’s been over a year since lil omm closed, I’m healthy as ever. I’m ready. I’ve done a year of working with these women and families and I’m like- YEP- this is EXACTLY what I want to do.  ALL my students are successful, smart women who deeply care about their families and their work and living an awesome, healthy (ish)  life. I help them maintain care practices and habits that are sustainable and I give them the tools they need to feel confident and comfortable in their own skin. Oh yeah, and there is the whole guilt -free self -care- thing that our community practices regularly.

So.. here is where I stand. I desire to create a biz that works for me in my life  AND that will have impact on others.  Over time, this biz will allow me to have freedom! creative freedom! financial freedom! and that energizes and sustains me WHILE helping others. This journey has shown me that I can live WELL with less. That I don’t NEED a lot to experience pure joy BUT that  meaningful , relevant work DOES matter to me and that purpose and vision motivate me.  It also also shown me that while I’m not even 40, I have a tremendous gift to lead, create, manifest, problem solve and help others  I used to be VERY afraid to talk about any of these strengths, afraid of boasting, afraid of charging more, afraid to fully embrace it all. 

I could have NEVER done this alone. I have SO MANY teachers, mentors, advisors cheering me on, supporting me, teaching and guiding me. And I realize every day how this all comes from an evolving practice. Showing up on my yoga mat, sitting quietly in meditation, journaling, writing, reading.. and then  of course, the real wisdom  that comes from facing my 2 little teachers each day. 

So, nope right now I don’t have any FB ads running or a multiple seven figure financial goal dangling in front of me. But I realized after these 2 emails that I wanted to say something, stand up for myself and for ALL the women who are working and living and leading in their own ways- in their own time, in their own seasons AND that I LOVE LOVE LOVE we all get to do it our own ways. that I can do it my way, and You get to do it your way. that I make no claims that what works for me, will work for you- and that the only way to know is to fully engage, to ask, to reflect, to gather with other super smart women to ask these same questions.  

I  think all this triggering just led me back to incredible gratitude for what I get to do, who I work with AND that I have the privilege of even writing, thinking and expressing myself so openly, the gift of a lifetime! 

10 years.

4 days before Saylor was born, I sat down and wrote down my energetic and tangible goals.

This month, I spent time looking in my notebooks and binders and goals that I was setting. I found this gem and just SMILED.


Have you been keeping track over the years of your dreams, desires and wishes? If so, share with me! what changed? What came to life? Came to be?