simple gifts

it looks like a table of perfection.
a table of love, in my heart.

as an only child from a single parent home, I often ate dinner on the couch, in my room, from a bag, in the drive thru…
most nights it was just my mom & I. watching tv, sitting together.
we were the family. I longed for siblings, for both parents to be together- the ultimate sign of family to me is the dinner table.
the nightly routine of sacred ordinary.
traditions, schedules, consistency.

this table represents the deepest love for my family. the insanely blessed life we are living, together. now. the incredible inner work I have done to be able to create this table. to give my kids this gift of security, or stability.

I know my mom did the best she could… this is not A rant about her parenting style or our challenges.
this is simply about the inner
longing I have had my whole life to have this.

just a table, with a family.
gathered around. regularly.

this is the good life.

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28 day Mama LOVE ( day 2)

Photo from Recovered Photos

Mary Anm, Sandy & Milo at LO Tenley Opening

lil omm has a “godmother.”

Someone who takes care of us, remembers our birthdays, bakes for us, shows up for all the classes and tells everyone about the studio.

Mary Ann Reed is an incredible woman.

She takes care of her family with such love, with such intention and devotion.

Mary Ann has an incredible spirit and anyone who is her friend knows how amazing she is, we are the lucky ones.

She is so committed to her life, to her family,  her yoga practice and to her health.

When she learns something new to DIVES into , she takes it full on, she embraces is spreads the word to others that she cares about.

I remember her first class at LO, and her 100th class ( We brought balloons & flowers!).

She has babysat my kids when I needed an extra set of hands, cleaned up the studio lawn and volunteered with her family at every event.

I am so blessed to have her as part of the LO family and she is the mama that I love today.

 

28 day Mama Love ( day 1)

IMG_0252In honor of mothers day & my birthday month, I am going to write about 28 Mamas that have changed my life.

On May 28, I turn 36. I want to celebrate these years by honoring a number of MAMAS  who are true gifts to the world. Women who have deeply influenced and inspired me along the way. I want to say thank you.

 

So here is day 1…

 

For the first day of MAMA LOVE,

I want to highlight 2 women who have been ” like moms” to me since 1996.

 

In 1996, I went to GW as a very moody freshman. And there I feel in love with 2 girls who would become my sisters.

(I have written about Chrys and Mere before, and you can read that here. )

BUT little did I know, that I would ALSO adopt 2 moms. That Ruth & Jeanne would bring me into their home and treat me like a daughter from the moment we met.

Ruth, Chrys’ mom is one of the biggest hearted, sweetest and positive people I have ever known. She has incredible loyalty and fierce devotion o her family.  We have spent many hours together talking and I love that she has taken me into her life and always made me feel part of her family.

Jeanne, Meredith’s mom is something else. She is incredibly sarcastic, intelligent & been one of my biggest supporters the past 18 years. Every time I have an idea or have done anything- there she is – saying “go for it”  or ” I believe in you.” She is truly a character who tells it like it is and someone I am so grateful to have on my team.  We are always laughing… ( or crying)

At a time in my life when I was lost, these two women helped me find my way.

Thank you Jeanne & Ruth for  being so loving and mothering me, I know we have been through a lot of life together and I’m glad I had you with me along the way. I deeply appreciate you.

 

 

mindful moving

I keep joking that I am going to write a book after this experience called “Mindful Moving”

 

I am in the midst of boxes, papers, stacks, piles and clutter. very unsettled. and I’m actually loving it.

I am watching it all happen- totally out of my control , in it’s own time.

 

and poof it changes. just minutes after deep calm and quiet- the kids came in screaming & yelling. hungry & tired looking for dinner and mommy.

whoa- huge breakdown leading to my thoughts of … “its okay, this is how it is”

I reminded myself to not freak out. I could feel myself getting frustrated, irritated, mad, I could breathe and feel
it soften. Then Milo would scream and hit Saylor & I would be back in the fire.. and start again.

If I could boil the water, set the table, find the candles, we could start.

And just like that with some extra hugs and lots of “one minute sweeties”
dinner was served. we made it.

a long slow clean up made it
real, the mess that we created and the day to day routines that I may miss someday.

awake to it all… just noticing how this will all unfold. one week left in our home. capturing the moments of the heart in the crazy of our life!

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belly love

On Monday, I read this. 

On Tuesday, Saylor & I went to get Milo out of his crib after nap. He was in a sweet mood. ALL cuddles, no tears. We were playing  on his floor, reading books, snuggling, and he lifted my shirt and started patting my belly. “MAMA belly!”  It was soft, round and he was laughing and smiling  in a super loving tone. Saylor told him, “Milo, that’s where we lived before we were born. We came out of mama’s belly. Look at it!”

And they both started rubbing my belly and looking at my belly button. They were laughing and playing and in her sweetest big sister voice, Saylor told him ” Isn’t that cool Milo? We used to be inside mama’s belly!”

Without ANY fear, criticism, blame, shame or guilt. I  let this happen. I let them explore my belly…..that is not so tight and not so little…That is the HOME where they came from.  As a DIRECT result of reading the blog, I just let them explore my belly. without hiding it or feeling bad about it.

“Do you realize the significance in that? Every limb, finger, toe…her heart, even, developed near the very place my own heart beats inside of my chest. Those mountains of skin are all I have left to prove that we were once one and not two.
How can I be ashamed of that? ”

It was a pretty significant moment for me, as I  NORMALLY would have pulled my shirt down FAST and changed the subject. I would have moved on to another topic.. not beating myself up about it all- but CERTAINLY not letting them actually explore my skin or my roundness.

I feel like this was a great way to start my new year. not on a diet, not wanting or wishing things to be different. just open to experiences as they come.
learning from other inspiring mamas, trying out new practices and just seeing the moment for what is.

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dedication

What though the radiance
which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass,
of glory in the flower,
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.
— William Wordsworth

little altars everywhere….

here are some shots of the little alters I have created in my home. I wanted to create a sense of joy & purpose& devotion in the areas I use the most.. organically these came to be my sweet spots for connection. When I wake, when I wash, when I dress- I pause, reflect, offer gratitude for all my blessings. Send a prayer to someone who needs it- and off I go into the world…. I hope this inspires you to create “little alters everywhere!” xo

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run

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go for it milo.
you have the world in front of you.
I cant imagine who you will evolve to be. you shine in this world as my son, my light.
you make us laugh & snuggle up like a cub.
3 whole months of deep breaths& health is a gift.
Being your mom is quite the adventure.
I was telling someone yesterday about your birth & our pregnancy together.
oh buddy, you really teach me how to pause and make sure I practice. You show me how much work I still have. Thank you for this gift. the deepest love.