A Better Birthday

When I was 8ish, I did not get invited to Annie Freeman’s birthday party.

All the other girls did.

I was new. I think they said, “she smells”  or at least that’s what I heard.

When my mom realized there was a party and all the girls had been invited but me,

she made a fuss.

I don’t quite remember what happened but eventually, it led to an invite.

I did not want to go. I would not go. I knew I did not belong. My heart hurt.

My pride protected my pain.

On the day of the party, my mom took me to KFC and we took the bus to the mall and then she had to go to work and I went with her.

All day, I knew there was a party going on that I was not invited to.

I wanted to be with all the girls just being “normal” and included and having fun.

But I knew that If I actually went, I would feel more lonely and isolated and embarrassed b/c by then everyone knew I was not invited and then LATER, invited.

And on Monday, I just puffed up a little more. Held my head up high and pretended I was fine.

This year, as I was thinking about celebrating my 40th I thought- I just want to have a party where EVERYONE is welcome. Where EVERYONE feels like they can come and celebrate and grab a smile or a hug and not have to feel anything but love.

So won’t you join me?

 

This entry was posted in general.

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