In February, I stopped writing here.
“It makes sense to put everything on the lil omm website” I thought.
When working on updating biz websites, branding and offerings there are a lot of SHOULDS.
And truth be told, the past year I was writing less & less about my personal life and more and more about “what coaches should write”
Top 5 ways to…
The REAL reason….
Do you get the point? Writing.. just for my soul, was not really on the to- do list.
Writing, to just share behind the scenes of parenting with intention, growing, raising a family and a biz, and just being plain old me- was not really on the agenda anymore.
So.. I stopped the deeply personal stuff, and I went down the road of what I “should ” be doing.
Now, let me say this. It’s been GREAT. I am very happy to have the skills and strengths to be able to do that kind of writing and to TRULY help people through tips and tricks and coaching experiments that help our students.
AND.. I miss sharing my life. I miss writing to just write- to just wake up and say- oh man, this GREAT thing happened or this totally shitty thing happened.
And my whole mind and body started spinning on this, WHAT CAN I DO?
another book? another biz? another blog?
And then, I just decided. I’m coming home to lilommlife.com THIS IS WHERE I shared about my babies, my mama, my meditation practice, my heart.
And I know, I know these blogs SHOULD NOT be like your diary ( FYI, I have one of those too, but I call it my “journal” of course) Yet, at the same time..
I am a sharer. Just ask my mom. As a kid I would talk to everyone, asking them about their lives and sharing about mine. I am a writer. As a kid, I kept journals and wrote stories and made them up in my head. As a kid, I was a reader. And I would get LOST and I mean LOST in the stories. I am so empathic and sensitive that I would cry about and grieve the loss of the characters when the book was over, b/c I would get so wrapped up in the stories that I lost touch with my own reality.
But, I’m not doing this for you- I’m doing this for me.
I want to wake up, land here and be able to talk about the big and little moments of life NOT TO SELL ANYONE ANYTHING. Not so that you will hire me to work with you or mentor you- not to teach anything or DO anything. JUST TO BE. Just to write.
Oh man, it feels good to be back.
Oh and I don’t have these go through editing, etc. so please, be patient with me.
I write so fast, thoughts flying that I go back as much as I can to try to clean it up.. but I’m human and I miss stuff, so there’s that.
I’m doing this for my own stories, our own life so that one day, Saylor and Milo can look back and read this and KNOW what this was like. And I know that stories can heal us all. That sharing can unite us and there are so many ways, we are so alike. Common Human Experience.
I went through the pictures on the blog this morning and man, my babies are so little- so cute- so happy, just a moment in time…
Today, I write this and Milo turned 6, 2 days ago and Saylor is 9.5.
We are in a whole new world, a whole new phase AND it’s magical too.
I LITERALLY have said this EVERY SINGLE STAGE since they were born…
” I think this is my favorite” b/c the truth is, LIFE is my favorite.
I can’t believe how much I love being alive, TRULY. EVEN WHEN it’s SUPER DUPER HARD. Even when I have to answer a million emails, even when I have to cook dinner, ever. single. day-
* please note, this was NOT always the case. I’m ready to write more about the dark times too. I’m ready to share about the depression and the lost and lonely days. *
I love life. I love the beauty and the pain, the sun AND the rain. When you step back- you notice, “wow, it’s all truly a miracle” I’m only going to be here a hot minute, and then I’ll be magical stardust floating about.. I’ll be in another body, shape, time..
This glorious morning when I woke up, felt my breath and my body and had the gift to rise. To plug in my tiny, beautiful flower lights so that I could sit and meditate for just a few minutes, b/c my whole body wanted to come here and WRITE.
TO FIND A WAY TO WRITE here again.
and I felt edgy, and heavy and dull.. and then with some green juice and coffee and walking the dog, I started to feel better. The closer I got to releasing the creative energy that had been building and building and building.. until my mind was racing and I was going to explode- they say this about writers.. YOU CAN’T NOT WRITE. You just can’t.
And if you do.. you go crazy. that’s how I felt, like I was starting to lose it.
And now, I have THE BIGGEST SMILE ON MY FACE, ear to ear really- feels good to be home.