As the summer draws near and our big adventure awaits- I’m aware of the repeating patterns and mind chatter that arises. What will be? What will happen? Is this good enough? I read a meditation about WORRY last night and realized how much of my current thought patterns are around my work, teaching, writing and biz.
More questions than answers, as usual. More wondering and curious-ness as I spend the days prepping and planning to be away from home for 7 weeks. ( I’m mindful that this means being away from my art-love filled office, most of my clients, my home yoga studio, my teaching, my leading, my morning and evening routines and rituals in the spots I love to do them, away from my dog, my bed and my bed.) And the question is- what CAN I do to help/ take care of myself with all the changes. I’m ready to step up and practice what I preach. Take the CALM with me, b/c it DOES NOT exist in this material home or this well planned out schedule. The peace, the strength, the awareness lives withIN me and I have access to that at all times. In fact, it’s the ONLY thing I have control of 24/7. How I respond, how I engage, how I relate. In fact, I feel so passionate about this process and awakening that I’m leading a free call about it this week.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still making lists of what I will need to take with me in order for me to feel healthy, nourished, aligned. All while planning work projects for the FALL and the WINTER which feel like millions of miles away.
So instead I sit here. On the chair and I wonder how much it all means or matters.
As I create and craft a new biz model that supports me in all areas of my life ( financial, service, community, health, well being, sustainable) I play with the ideas and dreams that meander in and out of my day. The world is noisy- and I want to be quiet.. so how does that work? I don’t want to retire or take time off or let it all go.. but can I do/ be/ create as I want to- without all the noise.
I keep thinking and saying, “is my best work behind me?” ” I’m only 38!” And then I take a deep breath into my belly, close my eyes and feel the ALIVENESS of my energy. Of the season.. I drop into knowing and feeling and BEING with TODAY. I drop into the body and repeat.. I TRUST that I am on the right path for me. I trust my heart and my intuition. I live in abundance and I want to feel my way through this. Navigate. Pivot. Explore. No clue as to what will unfold. It’s all possible. ALL OF IT. The dreams I have, the WOW this is my life.. with intention, with meaning, with purpose.
AND YET, This way of being, the process of exploring the thoughts while feeling my way with no pre-determined outcome, of course brings up DOUBT and FEAR.
It lives in us all. Even those of us who jump, take risks, fall, get back up, fall back down, plan something, love someone, live, breathe, start over and over and over, it’s part of being human. But I can’t let her stop me from trying. I can hear her say “why you?” ” go GET A JOB” ” NOT ENOUGH” and I see her and acknowledge her and hug her and thank her. And she moves on, for now. I know the next time she returns.. it will be less painful, less intense. I don’t believe her.
You see, I can feel in my bones that I meant to do EXACTLY what I am doing right now. It’s ease-full-joy-full- challenging- beautiful- stimulating- and not to mention, I hear from the woman who have been or who are students about how potent the teachings are. As I learn and absorb and then surrender, facilitate and share, I can feel the shift. They say, ” I feel lighter. I feel more alive, more awake. I notice more. I feel my body. ”
It’s also part of the reason I am scared. Stepping into your strength, power, calling and greatness can be well- rather overwhelming for someone as sensitive as I am.
But it’s also why I know I’m on the right path. I can feel the energy in my belly, in my days, in my heart.
WHY? b/c it’s the “road less traveled” the road I have always been on.
So, for now I write and I dream. I journal, I vlog and I try with my whole heart to live with the utmost integrity to what I believe and who I am. I want to stretch my body and mind and feel ALIVE. And see where this leads me…
For now.. it’s in events like this.
I have been creating a wellness framework to piggy back on Delight and Thrive books & programs and I can see it all coming together. It’s so fun to dream of how to bring this work forward- and HOW I CAN HELP OTHERS DO THE SAME MAGIC MAKING IN THEIR LIVES. I want to roll up my sleeves, hear what people want- get them to start dreaming and see it come into action… it’s incredible.