Give & Recieve

“With a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings:
Radiating kindness over the entire world,
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depth.”

Something magical happened last week.  After years and years of complications, misunderstandings, hurt feelings and pain.. we have come to a place of relationship. Let me explain…

A few years ago, I had “forgiven” my mother. Enough to have a weekly call with lots of boundaries. Same time, same day each week. We would check in on the weather, the kids  and then hang up. On the outside it appeared that we had a relationship. As this became our norm, she began to open up a bit more. I would respond always at least an arms distance away. I was terrified of being hurt, of the past repeating, of opening my heart. So, I kept her at a very comfortable distance. That worked well for me, for a long time. I lived in neutral about it all. I did not ACTUALLY trust her with any of my thoughts, plans or life.

Until, in this past year we have had 2 in person visits.

Our December visit was quite incredible on a number of levels which I wont get into today but let’s just say we had a real connection. We had a powerful shared experience and we were able to spend some quality time alone where my guard came down. For the first time in years, I thought to myself ” I just need to talk to my mom.”  And there she was, supporting me and helping me get through an emotionally challenging situation.

Since this experience, we have been talking more frequently with less boundaries and just developing more of a relationship that we have been able to have, than I was able to have.

And then, last week- on one of our talks, I told her something I was working on for a project and told her a problem I was facing, a challenge I was contemplating and you know what? She gave me AWESOME advice. And then, my heart filled. THIS. IS. A. RELATIONSHIP.

The thing I had been pushing away, had not been ready for. After all the work we BOTH have done, we were able to come to a place where there was exchange, there was give and take. I am so proud of us both.

In order to be in a healthy, meaningful relationship there needs to be an energy exchange.

Over the past few months, I have learned the value of giving and receiving.

May this teaching penetrate all areas of my life.

(Especially  in ways I have yet to explore…and I wish this the same for you!)

Are there relationships in your life that you need to put some energy into or take some out of?

I KNOW this is a tough question- but email me if you want to share your story. info@lilomm.com

love to hear from you.

“Forgiveness does not gloss over what has happened in a superficial way. The practice is not about planting a smile on our face and saying, “It’s okay. I don’t mind.” It’s not a misguided effort to suppress our pain or to ignore it. If you’ve suffered a great injustice, coming to forgiveness may include a long process of grief and outrage and sadness and loss and pain. Forgiveness is a deep process, which is repeated over and over and over again in our hearts. It honors the grief and it honors the betrayal. And in its own time, it ripens into the freedom to truly forgive. And if we look honestly at our own lives, we can see the sorrows and pain that have led to our own wrongdoing. We’re not just victims; sometimes we also need to be forgiven. And in this way we can finally extend forgiveness to ourselves and hold the pain that we have caused in the heart of compassion. ”

This article was incredibly helpful to me.

 

 

 

7 comments on “Give & Recieve

  1. amanda.magoffin says:

    So inspiring to hear this experience, Pleasance. I, too, had a similar situation where I needed distance (and probably the other person as well) so that we could eventually grow back into something more meaningful and less toxic. Thank you thank you for sharing! xo

  2. Rachel Nuzum says:

    P – thank you for sharing this with us. I felt like I was watching a miracle in front of my eyes in December -each of you silently and gently easing in to what was accessible to you at that sacred moment. I’ve also learned (the super hard way) that all relationships have seasons with different realties at a given time. Sometimes the best thing we can do in a relationship is to back away, to give each other distance until we can deliver what the other needs more fully. For some relationships like with my Dad, that day will likely never come. I’m not mad or sad about it anymore, it just is. For others like my sister, when I let go of expectations, she constantly surprises me and exceeds them. So I try…xoxo

  3. cathymuir says:

    Thank you Rachel.

    It was a miraculous dance the two of us did in December. Lean forward, lean back, sideways and then lean forward again. Til both of us met in the middle. At last. At long last.

  4. Heather says:

    This is beautiful Plez. I am so happy for both of you. Xoxoxo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s