Bye Bob.

I am sitting here in my car emotional about the goodbye.

For years this guy has been with me. Walked all over DC. Carried my babies. Held my groceries. Brought me home and traveled with us. 

Goodbye BOB! You served us so well. You gave me the FREEDOM I needed as a mama when I did not have childcare and was dying to move my body.

I am sitting here thinking of all the places we went together- the laughs- the tears- the beautiful new mama talks I had on the phone with countless friends while my babies slept.  And all the miles I put into Stroller Strides loving the women I met. 

first, with saylor. then, with milo. 

the times they screamed for no reason, and I sang to soothe them. the lonely hours I pondered life- wondering what this motherhood thing was about while I walked to Dupont and Georgetown or Palisades or Bethesda. just walking helped everyone feel better. 

One time, when Saylor was a baby- we were running to a class I was teaching- and we got a flat tire. I remember it was summer and so hot and I figured out a way to fix the tire long enough to get us to class to teach! I was so proud of myself for fixing that tire!! while she just cooed and eventually fell asleep.

and a few years later,  I had tiny tiny milo in the baby carrier and saylor in the stroller and I was so frustrated and bored and lonely at home with them that afternoon. I thought it would be great to go in the woods….on a wooded, branchy sort of trail. with no path. I cried. they cried. we got lost, I had to pee and hours later we made it home, somehow. it was ROUGH.

And now the day has come to say goodbye. You were so well loved- and this mamas heart feels the change that a new stage brings. 
when all the babies are not babies. when you dont need a jogging stroller for exercise, community, life support- when you grow out of   pushing babies and into doing homework and big kid stuff.

it was a blessed ride.

sweetness of it all- the duality of love-love-love and loss-loss-loss.

*fyi I know its crazy to write a blog post about a stroller. I also cant believe how incredibly emotional I am as I watch this mama push the stroller away from our home.

♥️

Behind the camera

When I was a child, I went to 1 modeling shoot. I was very tall for my age so we thought it would be fun to go to a shoot for children.  Sadly, it was HORRIBLE!  They told me what to do, THE WHOLE TIME.  I did not like this at all. I remember being so frustrated, so unsure of what I was supposed to be being. I tried to do it the WAY they wanted- and they kept telling me to do it a different way..  Also-

I felt HUGE. Especially compared to all the little beautiful girls surrounding me. My feet were 3x bigger than everyone else, and I had a lot of hair on my arms. THINGS THAT made me feel out of place, ugly, awkward and totally uncomfy.

I cried and asked to leave. I never wanted to go back.

modeling career over, beginning of weird shame cycle in front of camera begins.

Since childhood- I have had a dark and not that healthy relationship with cameras and videos. All stemming from that experience.  I have spent a lot of time judging people who DO love to be in front of the camera, I’m not quite sure why- maybe something with ego- with NEVER wanting people to THINK that I THINK that I am pretty or physically beautifully. I have always wanted to be known for being a good person and NOT someone who is known for being vain. There has to be a middle way- these selfies and videos and photos DO NOT mean that the work I do is not helpful or in service. Part of the work I need to do is to GET OVER IT and move forward in the way of service. I still have some work to do around this- and stepping truly into my own power. LET GO of what others think- what I should be / do/ look like or say not be perfect, not always do it right- and live in GOOD ENOUGH.  I feel the barriers breaking- I notice these patterns that have been holding me back from spreading the word of the work I want to do.. it’s coming.

one of my dear friends told me to put ego aside and show up for the students. to just see them, do the work for the folks that this could help. so I did- and what a joy to just be calm and see the chaos ( we filmed  a short family class when milo jumps on saylor!) real life.

more to come,  I hope.

My intention is to bring a lil omm into your home. ♥️🙏🏽


  
  
  
  
  

with yoga.

“In a mother’s bedroom, in the morning, where she practices her home yoga routine so that her body and mind open and relax enough to help her through a challenging day,” all because she had a teacher who taught her how to be her own teacher, so she could do her yoga, in order to do her job well, and help make the world a better place.”

This quote is from this article. love this idea- not more teachers- but MORE STUDENTS.

So many of the teachers I know are HUSTLING to try to pay bills and rent and live- that they DO NOT HAVE A PRACTICE, they have lost contact with their own teachers b/c trainings and workshops are too expensive.  I know many teachers who are no longer yoga students, this breaks my heart. I told someone this year- the thing I am MOST excited about in my whole life is the fact that I have connected in new ways and more regularly with a few teachers who are truly inspiring me these days. It has changed my teaching, my practice and me zest for life. I have felt the effects of great teachers in all areas of my life.

I start many classes and workshops saying  “my goal, my vision, my mission is to help YOU be confident and empowered to develop your own practice. ” Seems silly, right- that I make my “living” off people coming to classes when I owned a studio- and then now- signing up for privates or sessions- I tell them- I want YOU to be free of ME, when our time is done. But that really is my mission. That FREEDOM is such a gift. No longer having to think” I SHOULD get to a class. I SHOULD COMMIT to a teacher or a practice. anything along the SHOULD and GUILT and FEELING BAD thoughts”  they just have to stop. Our YOGA practices should support our lives. Should help us through the tough times and be there for us whenever we need some space, some guidance, some love. whether there is a class or studio available to us. I want to help you find this.

self care is self love.

Just read this too– more to think about. Happy Sunday!

 

happy anniversary, my love.

Sorry I have been so down on you.

I don’t think it was really you.

It was all the others, all the gossip, all the greed all the growth.

In it’s most simple form, I just love you.

I just see you. I feel you in my body, in my bones, in my breath.

YOU have given me everything that means ANYTHING to me.

I have spent so much time the past few years quite upset at how YOU had CHANGED when really, I was just stressed out and overwhelmed and overworked that my mind got clouded. That I thought it was YOU who had changed, not me.

I’m back, my love. I see you now. I’m sorry for the negativity and the shame, the blame and the anger. My darling, yoga, you are right here. and here. and here. and have been the whole time.

Now that I don’t have to see, smell, sell you every day.. ALL DAY- I can just enjoy you again. I can just return to our precious time together, our intimacy. I don’t want to share you with so many others. I just need some time together, alone You & I … to see where we are now- to enjoy each other AS WE ARE RIGHT NOW. I’m back, my love.

10 years ago, January 2006- I enrolled in Yoga Teacher training. It forever changed the direction of my life, my purpose and brought me HOME in my body, in my healing and in ways I had never experienced before. So this month, I honor practice- going from student to teacher to studio owner to teacher to student.. this is what keeps me IN IT. It’s never old or DONE or finished- I will never hit a point when I have learned it all. And it’s the practice that continues to light the way, hold my hand, see the truth.

I often wonder “How did this happen?! How did I get so lucky to receive the teachings? to have them bring LIFE to my life?” And then I take a deep breathe and feel how incredible this gift is. Not one day passes, where I take this for granted. I remember the suffering and pain I was in BEFORE this all soaked in, before this all happened. It’s my intention to create writing, workshops, retreats and ways for us all to continue the traditions, discuss how they are relevant in our lives and put this all to good use- for HUMANKIND. FOR “saving the world” which is all I have ever wanted to do- and I know that starts with me.

Lokah Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu

May all beings everywhere be happy and free. May the thoughts, words and actions of my own life contribute in some way to this happiness and this freedom.

 

OM

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Baby Saylor & I. This was my photo shoot for lululemon Ambassador. Feels like a million years ago. I was 29 and dreaming of starting a prenatal/ mama/family yoga studio. 

 

Saylor & I in Dec at the National Kids Yoga Conference

 
SHANTI NAMASTE.

when your heart calls

there is this incredibly powerful vibration in your soul when you listen to what you are being called to do. the whisper becomes a shout. can you hear it? 

“the soul’s song” Rod Stryker reminds me. 

And then time stops, the trajectory changes and just like that… a new path is born, a pivot has been made, the shift occurs. expansion. 
years it was brewing. now in motion. now with action. now it is today! my day to start- jump in! go for it! (isn’t every day a miracle, really? )  “be the place where love flows through because it’s good for others and it’s good for you.”

 -erich schiffmann

It is Monday, early morning. the streams of light come in the window- right on my hands. quiet everywhere. slight hum of the heat, birds saying morning prayers. a car or two- but mostly just this intensity of life’s gift that ONLY silence provides. a wave of gratitude for hearing the call.

coming to sit and to just notice everything- its all right here for me and for you.

  

In January.

The first day of the new year.

In a month, I will give back my keys to our yoga space. I’m ready. I have been grieving this loss for months now, and it’s time.

My new schedule starts Monday. In it will be..

private yoga students, studio consulting clients, writing time ( working on a book!?!), group classes, partnerships with other writers and teachers, overseeing all the different arms of LO, planning a training, leading workshops and cleaning out the studio. JANUARY WILL BE FULL.

I have 3 notebooks full of ideas, the hardest practice for me over the next few months will  be to SLOW DOWN, breathe and not take action on ALL the ideas RIGHT NOW. (writing this to remind myself, please keep reminding me!)

And yesterday, I woke up FEELING IT ALL. I wrote about it, I cried to my husband and a few friends who had reached out. I laid in bed, I drank some  tea and then wine and I shared the darkness I was in . And today, the sadness has lifted.

I woke up ready to plan, pay bills, organize and LIVE and it all just happened so naturally.  I KNOW this is the right move for my life and that at the end of the day, we just could not afford to stay in our space as our own studio. I know I can be quite woo-woo but I’m also a REALIST in many ways.

Here is what I know. For my whole life, I have learned from and been inspired by others books, teachings  and stories.  I have shared this knowledge with others as a way to understand my own existence. I have aligned my deepest values and desires with my day to day life so that each day is full of what I need and what I want.  I want to keep doing this work, sharing and learning and supporting others on the journey to also have WHOLENESS and AWARENESS in their own lives. to be awake! To live intentionally with purpose and meaning in ways that contribute to our families and then out to the world… I know this to be true. I have confronted my demons from the past to live a healthy life.  I have healed my  wounds  so I can be an open hearted human being, living in a way that encourages others to do the same. It just feels so much better to live with love, than with anger or resentment. I was a jealous, angry, confused, unhealthy person for a long time. It was not working for me. That cycle only brought on more pain. The work and practices I have done ( AND CONTINUE TO DO) changed the trajectory of my life.

I want to create magic and wonder for as long as I am alive- even though I know it will come in many ways ( it already has) and knowing that it will always be changing AS I CONTINUE TO evolve. I truly would not want it ANY OTHER WAY. So, while it might be messy, I know it’s for me.

So, this creative blog space will become a little playground for .. what I’m reading, what I’m listening to- what inspires me, what I’m thinking about, what’s in my heart. Still with the intention to write about living, loving and breathing- through the next chapter and beyond.

Right now I’m reading..

The Book of SHE by Sara Avant Stover

Finding Your Way in a Wild New World by Martha Beck

& listening to a lot of podcasts.. if you need some suggestions email me

info@lilomm.com and I’ll send some names over to you.

HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR darlings. What’s your word of the year?

Friday night January 8, I’ll be hosting our annual Vision Board, 2016 Winter Love Fest workshop @ lil omm Hope you will join me!

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