being here

when I was a little girl, I could walk to this beach from my grandparents house. I was lonely. It was usually empty. I would wander around the dunes dreaming of my future and wishing I had siblings. My family let me be free when we went to Nantucket- I spent a lot of time alone.  I would bike here or walk and make up stories, talk to myself… 

Today, when most of my family left the island… I headed right to my spot. I told the kids you dont have to get out of the car, its up to you. ” mom, its cold! its windy!” Its always windy here, you guys…. and then THIS.

They ran and played – we climbed and sang and jumped and got very,very dirty. 

Returning to my sacred places from childhood with these 2 is quite surreal. 

Now we have a few days that will be much quieter. which I know will bring more

magic, how could it not?  

                    

Maezen ♥️

“Paying attention to the natural movement of the breath teaches you everything. The breath is totally present. It can’t happen anytime but now. There is no past breath or future breath. There is no secret to the breath, and nothing to figure out. Breath is the utterly perfect function of pure being. We are soothed, strengthened, amazed and made grateful by the breath, which is life. There’s nothing more to want or wish for.”

http://annapurnaliving.com/blog/annapurna-woman

and then its like this. 

and this morning a weight lifts

a smile graces

we all play

we arrive on time

we eat our breakfast and sneak in extra hugs

the email is quiet

the longing from before settles and then there are days where we wake up more in love & alive than before.

content. 

just clean floors, folded clothes, real connections and things to look forward to. 

overcome with the blessings of this Tuesday morning.  

     

in this ordinary day

today I felt lonely and scared. I know so much of this is part of our common human experience.. and especially women who are working and raising kids somewhere in mid to late 30’s-40;s. I talk to women all day about these same challenges, I know this is not UNIQUE to me.  I know, like many of you, I can be so hard on myself when I am NOT able to..

pay the bills, do the laundry, cook the food, grow the bness, save the world, teach the kids, mow the grass, walk the dog, start a non profit, organize a playdate, finish my to do list, workout, meditate, create, be on PTA, attend every school function, do meaningful work in the world…..

I’m scared about money. Making enough, saving, paying things off.  And that sometimes I work too much and I don’t get paid a lot for the work I have have done.  I give to others before my self. This is my truth, many of ours.

I am learning how to do this LESS.

Today,  I am scared bc my daughter is barely on grade level and even though I was a teacher and she has an LD, I still want her to pick up a chapter book and get lost in books the way I did at her age.

I’m acutely aware ( and afraid) that my son is not potty trained and I think he actually WILL be the kiddo who goes to college in diapers.

Today, I felt lonely. I kept hoping someone would call me but Im not sure who and could not find the heart or energy to call anyone myself.

Today, I felt trapped in this privilege that I have. And that sometimes  it feels totally delusional.  Like I don’t deserve it and I should run away to do the hard work. WHO AM I ? to be walking outside on this gorgeous day when so many suffer in this world. I want to do more. to help more. to serve more.  Or I could go back to teaching in the schools full time, or do SOMETHING meaningful with my life. I’m scared Im not doing enough to help the world.

And then I get distracted with ” can you put green lantern underwear on my head, please.” And I loose my train of thought. Work more to change the world and miss out on this guy growing up? Shit. its hard.

Then, I realize I’m scared I am saying too much on social media, sharing to much… and that I am too caught up in my own world to see truth, to see pain, to see or feel suffering. That its all becoming so ego driven. That even this blog is contributing to this self centered world we live in. Even though I have seen it as a creative outlet and it’s been so lovely to have an online canvas to experiment with my creativity. This feels so confusing to me.. the social media world which gives me so much inspiration, energy, connection- feels like yet another way in which I am spoiled.

I’m scared to grow my yoga studio. I’m scared of success and I’m scared we wont be able to sustain, that we need more. I’m scared of failure.

I want to live in  *THIS IS ENOUGH*.

Tomorrow will be less intense. This is quite a normal cycle of questioning/reflection for me… it’s part of what makes this journey so interesting…. But for now, Im going to put my mask on and dance around with the littles ones until they fall into bed.

Summer Retreat Goodies

Here are some highlights from our Summer Mini Retreat Series.

As always, thanks to Sarah Avant Stover for inspirations around our seasonal themes.

This was our last one in the series. Felt GOOD to spend some time EACH season honoring what will happen and paying attention to how things are in constant movement around us.

I Love leading this group and looking forward to being together AGAIN in the fall. Until then… ENJOY SUMMER.

Recipes

Avocado Mousse ( feel free to mix and adjust ingredients to your taste!)

2 avocados

1/2cup almond/coconut milk

3 tablespoons honey

3 tablespoons dark chocolate powder/ baking chocloate

Farm Salad

cucumbers

olives

red onion

tomatoes

feta

* anything else you have chop it up!

* squeeze fresh lemon, add ” za’atar” spice, 1 tablespoon olive oil

* I like to add crushed up pita chips!

Mint Water

* few drops of therapeutic grade peppermint oil into water for awakening the senses and energizing the body and mind.

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Meditation from Erich Schiffmann. love this!

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Questions from The Way of the Happy Woman by Sara Avant Stover. Thank you for the inspiration. We love this book!

WALK BAREFOOT WHENEVER YOU CAN. ENJOY the sensations on your feet. See how it grounds you, brings you back to childhood.

WALK BAREFOOT WHENEVER YOU CAN. ENJOY the sensations on your feet. See how it grounds you, brings you back to childhood.

Get the kiddos involved in making yummy easy healthy snacks with you!  TRY something new.

Get the kiddos involved in making yummy easy healthy snacks with you!
TRY something new.

This is my summer simple pleasures and to do list!  It's fun to create your own list for the summer!

This is my summer simple pleasures and to do list!
It’s fun to create your own list for the summer!