over time.

I am really, really good at judging my yoga practice.
I can be so mean.
(difficult. rude. unforgiving. relentless)

I tell myself to do more “advanced” poses … to have longer practice sessions… to stop floating around so many styles and teachers and FOCUS.

then I come across a reading about yoga & what it is & why we have it . and I remember that I DO practice yoga, every damn day. in my whole life.

its how I run my business, parent my children, engage with the world.

I stopped standing on my head when it started bothering my neck. I learned how to enjoy restoratives & blocks& bolsters.

I stopped pretending I was not competing ( with myself) to strive towards the next yoga pose goal.

I am learning to be kind. I am learning to appreciate my relationship with this old friend and even with age, I can see we are getting better, into a healthier more sustainable relationship.

Some days I miss my old practice.. I miss our honeymoon period- our love fest. We really fell hard for each other-
daily long sweaty practice…. I dreamt about yoga, planned classes in my free time, researched studios, classes, teachers.. an addiction, really.

As time wears on.. and my WHOLE life has fewer boundaries I have to keep finding ways to bring that creative joy into my heart…in the past year I found myself going back to art & painting, trail running, taking up pilates & spinning b/c when yoga becomes your business, your livelihood, your whole facebook feed, even it can be too much.

I have heard myself say, enough!
agh! yoga, yoga, yoga! please. I need a break- I need a rest from how big it has become.

and then…. I go to my place where I stretch &play & get quiet.. I see this and know that I am here. This is my home, my heart, my path… I felt it all those years ago. I got connected, I plugged in, I woke up. I met the divine, I felt the spirit shining within and all around- the warmth and the connection, like a wave washed over my soul- and I was never the same again.

that feeling has led me here. and here. and here.

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3 comments on “over time.

  1. Anna says:

    Yes to all of this. It’s such an evolving process for me, for sure, as my practice has also ebbed and flowed so much over the years. Love those descriptions of the yamas, too!

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