Saying Goodbye

Photo on 2-11-13 at 4.56 PM IMG_3583 IMG_3668 IMG_3671 IMG_3490 IMG_3855 IMG_3999 IMG_4071and just like that it’s time to go.

I remember so clearly the days she was being built, the love we gave her- we would sit and dream.

“we’ll put a couch here, open up the windows and take naps”  and we did.

My hubby built this house as a gift for us, about to be married we built this place on so much love. future, kids,” some day”, busy meaningful jobs, friends and just an overwhelming sense of our life ahead.

and now on our 2nd to last night here, the house that heard my babies cry and that held me so tight over the past 9 years, it’s time to say goodbye.

I’ve been waiting for this moment. I don’t know if it’s the non stop rain or the water pouring over my hands on the dishes but it’s like I’m drowning in change. I’m ready to let go and part of this NEW MOON intention time is looking ahead, cleansing, clearing, LETTING go.  this beautiful place that held so much love, I’m ready to say goodbye AND grieve a little. I’m ready for what’s next AND I’m sad about what I’m leaving behind.

Goodbye house. You gave me so much. lil omm was dreamed up here, worked on here, loved here and cried about here, in these very walls  So many tears happened here. My heart broke here over and over.  I loved here like I had never known. You are holding our memories. AS I look towards our next chapter, I’m in a really good place. I feel totally supported in my life. I feel deeply connected to the work and the life I have, and I know that no HOUSE carries that. I know that I carry happiness and contentment inside of myself. that no PLACE or person will ever hold that key but me.

BUT, tonight I say goodbye to the place that supported the deep personal inquiry I have explored. I pulled back a lot of layers here, my heart exploded here and the deepest unveiling of  my self  TO my own self has occurred over the past 9 years here.  I healed. I became a mom. I grew up. I came  home.

this house gave me the space and the beauty to study, to learn, to practice and to be curious about my life and eventually, I found my way back  to ME.

In this house that  actually “grew me up” I found my heart, my calling, my love, my self.

 

5 comments on “Saying Goodbye

  1. cathy muir says:

    I love this. It made me cry with, and for you. What a wonderful goodbye. Be well lovely girl. Happy trails ahead. Love you like crazy.

  2. In this house you learned that it’s not the house.

  3. owlgarden says:

    I have fond memories too – the bowling balls and martini glass light, the really high ceilings and big doors – Miller running like a brown bullet from couch to couch to dining room and back to the living room – the bamboo fence in the yard -Saylor hiding and seeking- Milo sweeping the floors- both Saylor and Milo as “roommates” at one time or another from the “i can see Russia from here” room. awesome! Excited to see the new place. Without change, we don’t grow, without growth, we don’t change. xo

    ps pooh would like to know if you’re bringing honey to the new house.

  4. srcohen614 says:

    I remember all the things Ben does – plus the chinese warriors in the niches on the landing, the crazy light switches that I just figured out – the beautiful floors – and so many naps! Plus visiting by myself when Saylor was five or so days old. And the big blue panda!

  5. What a beautiful goodbye to such a beautiful home. It made me cry. I am so happy for you but sad at the same time..but mostly happy because this is going to great. Here’s to new adventures and wonderful old memories 🙂 love you.

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