crazy curls & moving forward

A few short years ago, I was in a bad place. a dark tunnel filled with so much stress. I was moving the studio to a new location (being asked to leave our original location), living with a very challenging pregnancy & pregnancy depression, watching my bff confront cancer and layer on top of that some marriage hiccups & financial stress.

I did a pretty good job of hiding it .. or so I thought.

A few months after Milo was born, we re- opened lil omm in Tenley, my bff was healthy again, I started communicating with my hubby better and I felt like things were really looking up.

And this is when I started losing my hair… in huge clumps, bald spots everywhere.I have written and spoken about this in the past.. ..it was weird bc I was trying to hide it from everyone ( I am not good at hiding or feeling like i cant express myself 100% authentically. all the time ) I could not stop thinking “how does a health and wellness teacher LOOSE her hair from stress?” I felt ashamed and scared. I would pause when people would ask how I was.. ” I’m okay. I would say.. just a lot going on.”

I was also a bit heartbroken. I thought we were “in the clear” that life had calmed down a bit .

Milo was born healthy, our vibrant community had a yoga home again and my best friend was healthy again! so much to be grateful for! and yet, my body was on a delay. I tried to meditate on this, to sit quietly offering myself peace and healing. I poured lavender on my scalp and slept with it on my pillow. I had good days where I counted my blessings and reminded myself it was only hair.. and I had TERRIBLE tearful screaming nights where I beat myself up mentally for not being strong and for hiding so much pain and I watched a lot of tv to pass time until it grew back. I said no to a bunch of social events and parties. I was scared to swim. When my hair was wet you could see all the bald spots. For an entire spring and summer I did not even get in the pool with the kids.

I believe my hair loss was related to the previous year’s stress in my life. I was so scared of falling apart when things were bad and even more terrified to break down when I thought I had gotten my shit together.

Fast forward to the 6 rounds of steroid shots in my head.. my hair SLOWLY started coming back. It has now been almost 2 years and all the new hair is CRAZY curly.

Its hilarious. I am learning how to take care of it, learning how quick it dreads if I don’t brush it- and I learned you are not supposed to brush it!

But I think what strikes me the most is that as the curly grows wild I can see that time in my life over my shoulder now.
that time has passed. that no matter what …. I keep changing. That I am still ALIVE & STRONG and that this might be the happiest I have ever been in my life.

scary to say aloud.

Its like when I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the curls I stop and think about how far I have come- emotionally-
personally and with my life. I say to myself- WOW- you have been through a lot. This has been a pretty vibrant and interesting 35 years- whats next??

I just want to be clear to the world that I don’t take 1 day for granted. I don’t ever forget all the work and tears and loneliness that dominated my life for plenty of years.. that now that I feel free I will always follow my heart. I will always keep creating new ideas- new ventures- new friends- new practices.

I am in love with life. even the sad parts. even the tough moments. even the heartbreak and the pain. and especially all the beautiful people who are in my life.

I want to spread the possibility of joy. I want to thank all the writers, yoga & meditation teachers, creators, artists and visionaries who inspire me to keep up my good work. I feel connected to them all for sharing stories, opening hearts and putting it all out on the table .

i don’t want to miss a thing.

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20 comments on “crazy curls & moving forward

  1. paigedcyoga says:

    Thanks for sharing! I love your spirit and patience. You are amazing and I’m so blessed to know you. Big hugs!

  2. Eva Stern says:

    I love this. Thank you for sharing. (Curly hair is the best!)

    • pleasancel says:

      THanks Eva!! I need pointers- I have NO idea how to tame it! ( and maybe I shouldn’t .. just going with it for now and living it big and messy and crazy.)
      Thanks for your comment 🙂

  3. debra says:

    Thanks for sharing your heart & journey Pleasance – I had no idea of the cycle you were in and grateful you are open to telling it like it is in such an honest, raw and real way – it is inspiring to say the least! xo deb

    • pleasancel says:

      thanks lovey. I appreciate it. I hope that it heals someone, in some way to know they are not alone in this journey- you know? so many mamas have so much stress and absorb it all and I hope we can stick together and help each other out in the darkest of times.. I am so grateful to have amazing women surrounding me… Thank you so much.

  4. I have a family member with this same issue – alopecia. It’s all stress related and we just have to make sure we keep the stress levels down. Thanks for sharing your heart. ❤

    • pleasancel says:

      yes, thanks Mel- AGREED. I think it was so hard for me b/c I felt so ” out of control” with all the stress… lease, cancer, pregnancy, and it took such a toll on my body. I am glad my hair grew back and I hope my honesty and practice will help me stay less stressed in the future. I’m so grateful for our friendship 🙂

  5. Dina says:

    Great article, Ples! You are so honest and inspiring. We’ve all been there with stress of family, finances, and some of us our own businesses. It’s hard to keep it all in perspective sometimes, but so important to try!

  6. hey pleas, could you share some of the things that helped you rekindle your fire? btw, don’t try to tame your hair! or any other thing about you for that matter. you are a bundle of positive energy… continue to express it… untamed!

  7. Anne says:

    Thanks for sharing, Pleasance. Your wonderful spirit shows through in every line. I think many/most/all (?!) of us can relate to some parts – and it is comforting to know that one can come out like this on the other side. Be well.

  8. Mary ann says:

    If it had grown back straight as before, there would be nothing to remind you of that time whenever you need to remember. You are an amazing inspiration to all of us who are so fortunate to know you!

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