” As far as I can recall, none of the adults in my life ever once remembered to say, “Some people have a thick skin and you don’t. Your heart is really open and that is going to cause pain, but that is an appropriate response to this world. The cost is high, but the blessing of being compassionate is beyond your wildest dreams. However, you’re not going to feel that a lot in seventh grade. Just hang on.” Anne Lamott
For more of this read here.
Today I asked too many questions of myself. Nothing went wrong, nothing went right. Just a normal day where I spent the majority wandering around wondering who I am and what am I doing here. Like, on earth in 2013. It’s silly. I know. but I have asked myself this question for as long as I can remember. Having a hard time with chit-chat always going to the tough questions – especially in my internal monologue which tends to just ask more questions. What is the right way. How can you do more? Do less? I can confuse myself- getting into a swirly circle of thoughts not relevant to this actual moment. Breathe. Lately, I touch my heart a lot. I place one hand on my heart and place the other on top. I hold and breathe. It’s the sign for self compassion, it’s used a lot in yoga & healing to bring awareness to your body, your breathe, your heart beating. The warmth, it’s always warm. That’s what shocks me. When I come from this place.. I am always kinder and softer and able to see my truth. Like now. Slowing it down and speaking from my heart. I am able to see my own curiosity as a gift. in the stillness the questions start to melt away. Peace returns.
Tonight I read this. How beautiful.
” Increasingly dare to do that which is feeling most right to you. It is smart to do this. It’s smart to trust your deepest impulses because “you” are not just stupid-little-you. You are only who you are, you only exist, because The Totality is being Itself and it is looking like you right there where you are. You trusting yourself, therefore, is how you trust into the wisdom of the universe.
The trick involves learning to think less, as a lifestyle, as weird as that sounds. Because when you think less, and you are no longer energizing your current mindsets, your current level of ignorance, then “the download” from Universal Wisdom can register with you. Listen, listen, listen . . . instead of think. Let this be the new thing you do. Use your thinking to remind yourself to listen. New inspiration will inspire you into action and you will come alive.” Erich Schiffman
when she comes, I burst into tears.
all my fears explode in emotion.
all my doubts are wet on her shoulder.
this teacher, sometimes stranger who deeply touches my soul and calms the crazy.
her presence does a number on me. each time.
I am in eternal transition.
” I feel lost” I told her.
” practice” she tells me.
“this is all your life” I hear her.
and then after going through the dark, murky water… I emerge.
I feel WHOLE. I see CLEARLY.
and that “fill up” is why I keep coming back.
* deepest of gratitude to Zen Buddhist Priest, Karen Maezen Miller for coming back to lil omm. Thank you for loving us.
you cant sleep when your “awake”.
there is too much beauty & love& work to do to spread our messages, to hold hands with ourselves& our loved ones.
I cant sleep when Im awake.
laying in bed hands to my heart. the creative feminine running through me.
flashbacks of women’s words.
truths & realities shared & shared& shared.
there was an opening, a shift, a gift I received. I cant touch it or hold it or put on a shelf. it lives in my heart and in each breath.
sometimes I would question- why me? all the sleeping folks look peaceful & seem to rest.
and now- I will never ask again. I know why. I see why I was born in this time, on this team, with these tasks.
its clear. connecting all the dots& the questions to lead to my truth.
to be awake- to STAY awake and to keep open to all the hearts & souls who walk down my street or into my house.