Suffering

Before all this yoga/ meditation stuff, I suffered a lot.

I suffered with allergies. I suffered with boys/ drinks/ smokes. I suffered with weight GAIN and loss. I suffered tremendous inner turmoil.

I suffered in relationships, especially with my mother.

Moving beyond takes constant attention.

The yoga worked. the yoga practice, teachings & community gifted me with the life I wanted to live. meant to live?

it could EASILY have gone another way. lots of people I grew up with would tell you I was crazy. I say, I was suffering. so deeply disconnected & hurt that I hurt others, myself and I abused many things to get through it all.
BUT, that was not my dharma. my path was to clean it up. to dig deep- to DO THE WORK so that I could shed the past & be HERE NOW. what a gift.

its not easy.
when I don’t get to my mat regularly I do fear regression. I do fear the resentment and jealousy that used to dictate my life . but I know that i cant go back. the candle has been lit and I do have faith that it can dim but it can not go out. when it flickers I find healthy ways to connect, to serve, to teach.

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